I lost a post!

ACK! I worked for HOURS yesterday on a post for today and it's gone. I was just signing on to finish and post part 2...which will now be out of context without the first post. I am too tired to fight with blogger tonight so I'm heading to bed.

Well, if WeiJ's nap schedule allows then tomorrow I'll try to recreate as much of the original post as I can.

All is well in WeiJ land except we're having trouble getting to sleep and staying that way. He's going to bed too late, waking up too early, and not napping nearly long enough. Other than that things are continuing as they were with me chasing him around and trying to keep that brain of his occupied!

16 Months or 16 Days?

To look at him, it's hard to believe that he's been home for only 16 days and not the whole 16 months.

It's also hard to believe that a month ago today, we were off on our way to China at the very beginning of the most amazing journey. A month ago today, I left home with a suitcase, a duffel bag of donations, and list of unknowns a mile long but a heart filled with hope. A month ago today, I only knew the photos I had been memorizing for the past 4 months. I knew the whats and whens but nothing about the who. A month ago today, I hadn't yet stood on the Great Wall or strolled the gardens of the Summer Palace or been struck by awe of the beauty in the culture and community of the Chinese people. A month ago today, I think the best part of my life was about to begin.

Not much of an update

I don't have much to update for today. I think the two of us were just wiped out from the week. Can you believe we didn't get out of bed till almost 11? Good boy!! Well really he woke up at 6:30 so I gave him some milk and his snack trap with cheerios and he was content to chatter, "read" books and watch cartoons in bed for a couple of hours. Then he decided he was tired enough to take a morning nap (yay!) and slept until almost 11. We both needed the rest!

Oh, but the first word out of his mouth bright and early this morning? "Duh"...yes, I'm sure WeiJ had dreams about ducks and fish and lots of bread.

One for the ducks, two for WeiJ...

WeiJ had a GREAT afternoon today with ShuShu, Ayi, and Ayi's mom L and brother K (hey Ayi, what names should I give them??) at a giant park with spring fed pools complete with bridges, fish and ducks. What more could a kid ask for? We didn't even make it to the playground, paddle boats or train. I'm guessing we'll be back there A LOT. Maybe eventually he'll even give the ducks more bread than he eats! He would wave his arm like he was going to throw but then shoved the bread in his mouth. I'm not sure who he thought he was faking out - us or the ducks. I'm just glad we had good bread and not the moldy loaf I was going to bring!

We pretty much walked along the water's edge and fed ducks until we ran out of bread. Now, WeiJ's already getting a reputation for being a little ladies' man. So what does he do when we've run out of bread to feed the ducks and are headed back to the car? I noticed that he stopped to charm a group of adults - 2 men and a woman. Then I realized why...he spotted the bread from her sandwich in her hand! Little turkey was trying to woo her for her bread!

So...new developments for today: WeiJ couldn't stop saying "Duh!Duh!" and pointing at every duck he saw...and even some that I didn't see. He's also started quizzing me I think - I've been having him practice the signs that he knows but today I realized he was initiating the game. HE was doing the signs first and would smile really big when I got the answer right! I've definitely got my work cut out for me to keep that brain engaged!!

ShuShu took photos for us today but I don't have them on this computer to post. Should be some cute ones though! Instead, I'll just share one I grabbed this morning to go along with the theme of the day. (And LaoLao, if that belly grows another inch I'm not sure I'll be able to get that outfit back on him!)

Fish Face

Can You Hear Me Now?

WeiJ's been curious about phones ever since we were at the White Swan and he heard his ShuShu's voice on the line. Now that we're home I let him use my old work phone to play with and he just jabbers away. Guess which one was candid and which one he noticed I had the camera at the ready....

Still Feeling Puny

WeiJ tried his best today to be his happy self but by this afternoon he was just worn out and fussy. But darn if he didn't look cute in his pj's!

Cheerios, Fruit Puffs, and Really Big Feet

5-ish Second Rule in Effect

Our days in a nutshell: snack trap in hand, toys and animals underfoot

WeiJ's fever seems to be subsiding a bit but it seems like he's been more uncomfortable. He hardly napped and only wanted to be held...Ergo to the rescue yet again! I've been giving him Tylenol like clockwork, even while he sleeps (I had no idea that would work!) and hopefully by tomorrow he'll feel like a new man. Just in time to head back to the doctor's office, yay!

Oh! Almost forgot! Today he remembered how to make the sign for "sleep" and seemed to know what it meant. He tries to do the sign for "cereal" but for some reason does it behind his head! He also started saying "muh" along with the sign for "more." He's trying really hard to say "bath" but it comes out as "da" and then after he watches me pronounce it again he'll say "th." I wonder why he uses a D here when he's using B for all of his other favorite words (ball, bonk, book)? I just know all these words are piling up in his head and are going to come exploding out all at once one of these days!

And cat food came tumbling out

Yes, there is definitely a toddler living in this house!

It was a little too quiet when I was getting WeiJ's snack ready. I turned around and he was squatting next to the cat with his hands in her water bowl. Nice. I dumped the water into the sink and was going back to grab him to wash his hands when I noticed that ohhhhh boy someone has chipmunk cheeks! I asked him to open his mouth and sure enough, little soggy pieces of kitty food came tumbling out. He was hoarding them in his cheek like Cheerios, sucking on them till they were soft enough to chew and swallow. Bleh.

Then I opened the dryer, and a pebble fell out.

Yes, life's different. :)

I bought WeiJ his first toothbrush and he LOVES it. All the better to scrub out the kitty food, my dear.

So today was WeiJ's first pediatrician appointment. That went fine - he's grown an inch since he was measured in Guangzhou 2 weeks ago and has gained 1/2 a pound...well probably more like a pound since this one was taken with only a diaper vs fully dressed. He's between the 50th and 75th percentile for weight and between 75th and 90th percentile for height! It still floors me that he was ever clinging to that 3% line on the Chinese charts, and here he is this high on the American charts! I'm supposed to cut back his milk intake a bit - we'd actually already started working on that by shorting his bottle by an ounce at a time and moving to one 6 oz juice after breakfast and more water during the day instead. The doctor commented a couple of times on how well he appears to have attached to me in such a short time, so of course that felt good! :) Then the hard part came - shots. Poor little guy didn't appreciate that too much, and I hated being the one having to hold him down. But fortunately the nurse was super quick and had all of them done in a jiffy. Yeah, I thought that was the hard part...but it wasn't. Then they gave us the lab orders to get his bloodwork done. I *thought* they'd just draw some blood and they'd run all the tests off of the usual couple of vials. Nope. After she'd filled the fourth one I looked over at the tray and we were only about at the halfway point. Poor, poor little man! That one was harder even though it was just the one stick, because I had to restrain him in that bear hug for so long and he had gone into the really distressed cry that just tears me up. I couldn't believe they were taking so much blood! It was a full workup though and each of the tests were ones that I definitely wanted done, especially the kidney and liver function tests with the questionable milk supply in China. We should have the results tomorrow, and then Friday we go back for them to read his TB test.

My little trooper perked up tonight when I asked if he wanted a bath - I just let him play in the cool water to try to bring his temperature down a bit. He's got a good fever going but nothing high enough to be cause for concern. Just plenty of discomfort. He's such a good natured boy though...even as crappy as he obviously felt, he still tried so hard tonight to be cheerful. I love that even after a day like today he can walk around singing the song he's got in that big little heart of his.

Smoochfest

And then this morning, there it was. A little toothy, slobbery face plant...right on my nose. Awww. It counts. :)

I thought that was going to be the highlight of my day. But then in the span of about an hour tonight I got THREE MORE...with better aim and no teeth!

Yeah it was a big day for WeiJ. Tonight he also decided to take the spoon from me and insisted on feeding himself. Peas probably weren't the easiest food to start with - they were rolling everywhere. But boy was he satisfied with himself!

Tomorrow's another big day: our first pediatrician appointment. Yeah, he's going to hate it...I'm pretty sure they'll be drawing blood and poking and prodding a good bit. And it's right during naptime, too. Should be fun, fun, fun for everyone. Good thing I got that kiss today, because who knows when I'll be back in his good graces!

Oh, Little Man of Mine

I think I've been a little better about the emotional sappiness that made me ready to cry at the drop of a hat before I left for China. I think my focus has been so much on the moment-to-moment attention to his needs that I still haven't taken time to step back and reflect much. But tonight...tonight this little man moved me to tears and I can't stop. There was something different about bedtime snuggles tonight and I was just overwhelmed by knowing that just three weeks into our time together, I'm where he feels safe. We had some sad crying again after nap today, but he clung to me and fell back asleep in my arms. Tonight wasn't just laying next to me, not just touching his feet or a hand against me. Tonight was burrowing in to snuggle like he's been here his whole life...or trying to get as close as he *should* have been held his whole life. He was burrowing in the way you do with someone who feels like home, someone who makes you feel warm and safe and loved. He tried to reach his little arm underneath me to get even closer and my heart broke and melted at the same time. We have quite the road ahead of us and oh how I wish I could rewrite his story to protect him from such losses. This funny, smart, sweet little man in his striped dinosaur pajamas...he overwhelms me. However did I become so blessed with the honor of being his mama? He inspires me to poetry, and he has my whole heart.

First Trip to the Playground

I just found a little playground in the neighborhood the other night on one of our pleeeease-child-go-to-sleep walks. I decided to take WeiJ out there today to see if I could wear him out before nap time.

Hat for baby...check

Socks and squeaky shoes for baby...check

Sunscreen for baby...check

Ziploc with wipes and a couple diapers...check

Cold water in the baby bottle...check

Cold water in my bottle...check

Sunglasses for me...check

Cell phone...check

Camera...check

Cheerios in the snack trap...check

Baby ready to play...ehhhh, not so much.

We got to the end of our street and he was out cold. I let him sleep for the couple of blocks till we got to the park.

He wasn't sure what to make of the swing at first and kept sliding himself forward but it wasn't long before he figured it out and was signing for "more." I couldn't capture the grins on camera (of course) but he was throwing his head back and laughing.

He seemed to mayyyybe like the slide too but is still a little unsure about that one. Little rocks are fun...in fact I think we still have a couple in his pockets. But he wasn't too keen on the dry crunchy grass to run on so we went back to the swings and just hung out there.

After an hour we came back and he was starving so we ate a few noodles and he was ready for night night! I think it took me 6 or 7 minutes of laying down with him before he was snoring. YES.

It Wasn't Me!

Not much new to share today, but I wanted to put something out there...just for future reference to let the record show he DID NOT get this from me!!

I knew he spent a lot of time moving and re-straightening rugs (in fact none of them are currently where they're supposed to be) but it didn't dawn on me tonight that he's probably going to have a compulsion to put things in order. We were on our way to take a bath - he was squealing and excited and waving his arms...but had to stop to straighten out the corner of the bath mat before returning to the excitement of bathtime. So in the future, when he's alphabetizing his books and putting things in order by size or shape or color ... it wasn't me!!

Balls, bananas, and cars that go bonk

WeiJ was just full of cuteness and brilliance today. Is it normal 16 month behavior to identify a pea as a ball? I was feeding him the veggies from his bowl of ramen - he stopped, pushed my hand back to look at the spoon and said "ball." OK really it was "buh" but I've been hearing that "buh" long enough to know that's Ball! I don't even know where to start to research those kind of developmental timelines, but I was surprised he gets that concept already.

Today we've been working on saying banana. WeiJ said "bababa" this morning and "nana" this afternoon. Then for the rest of the evening, saying that word became a game. His expressions had me cracking up so hard I thought I was going to have to borrow a diaper! He has a new facial expression now that he picked up from ShuShu's photo in front of the Bird's Nest (on Ayi's blog, I think). He opens his mouth and eyes as wide as they go and says "ahhhhhh" then dissolves into laughter. I *think* that's where it came from anyway - he did it when he saw the photo, and now I think he repeats it because it gets such a reaction out of me. Kid's a hoot. Anyway, I got tired of saying "banana" so I started singing it like the old commercial "byyyy Mennen." So little mimic started saying "naaaaaa NA na" with that crazy wide-mouth expression and I lost it. OK I know this was one of those times where I really should have gone for the camcorder but I was too caught up in the moment. Sorry!

We had a nice visit from Aunt L and Cousin K today. He was a little on the shy side at first but then succumbed to their cool gifts. He's been playing with the cars all day and of course when he sits on the mat he is obsessed with the "ish" in the water. So add "fish" to the list of words he's getting close to verbalizing! He loved that the cars will go far enough to go bonk, and I loved that the cars were soft enough for me not to worry that I have a kiddo who gets such a charge out of cars running into things. I don't know who was more enthralled, though...WeiJ with the fish, grandpa with the cars that reverse themselves if you roll them backwards, or Cousin K with making the mat conform to it's supposedly convertible box shape. :)

And...it has begun. WeiJ watched part of his first Texas football game tonight. Can't get his little fingers to Hook 'Em yet but he sure did try. :)

Another Fun Day

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have mastered the sippy cup!

But then WeiJ says come on now people, this is Texas. Bring on the Big Gulp for this big boy!

Today WeiJ also decided maybe the kitty wasn't so bad after all, and had a moment of gentleness. But for the record, she wasn't there about 15 seconds before this photo. She just keeps following him around and seems to be persistently trying to work her way into his good graces. Today was the first day WeiJ has been ok with the dog being out of the crate - and now wherever I look I see these 3 characters somewhere close to each other.

Kitty's ok and all... but after all the kisses he's been getting from the dog, today WeiJ decided it was time to reciprocate. He's not one to keep his emotions hidden you know. Yes, just a few days after pitching a fit if the dog so much as looked his direction, here he is leaning for a kiss.

Side note: if you're wondering why he's in a shorty in 2 photos and long sleeves/long pants in the others...yes, they're both from today. He refuses to let me cover him with even a sheet at night - he'll immediately kick them off even in his sleep and will pull off socks as soon as he's in bed if not before. He'd rather shiver and have goosebumps than be covered! So I broke out the cold weather clothes and figured they'd pass for pj's until I can finish sorting through his clothes to see what fits and what doesn't. Besides, at least this way I get to use that 6-12 month size because there's no way they'll still fit when the cooler weather really does come!

Oh, and a special note for LaoLao. I think your photo was the first recipient of a spontaneous kiss. WeiJ was flipping through the photo book after lunch (our usual routine) and I saw him lean down and put his face on the page. Based on the slightly slobbery, slightly steamed plastic cover I'd say you were the recipient. :)

Our First Wednesday Dinner at Home

The days go by so fast. I'm so grateful to have all of this time off with just the two of us. Granted, I wouldn't be fully functional at work anyway...but having this time to watch the leaps and bounds is once in a lifetime.

Not much exciting today other than playtime tonight with Ayi and ShuShu. The belly laughs and squeals of delight were probably audible from the neighbors' houses. :) WeiJ was definitely sleep deprived today but the silver lining in that is we were out of the bath at 9:38 and he was out like a light at 9:47. No books, no walking, no singing. Just out cold.

I think I mentioned the Baby Einstein signing dvd we watched last night. Can you believe that today he busted out the sign for "more" and knows exactly what it's all about? After he finished a cracker he gave the sign to ask for the next one. Amazing how quick kids pick this stuff up. We only made it through half the dvd but I'm hopeful that this little sponge will absorb these words and that will help cut down on some frustration of not being able to communicate his needs. Hmmm on second thought, maybe it wasn't a new word after all. I know he already knew the signs for "eat" and "milk" - I wonder which other words he knows and I'm just not recognizing them?? He's probably thinking I'm dense for not understanding!

That was really the only "new" thing I noticed today. He's also been trying to say the word diaper for more than a week and I'm seeing him communicate that a lot more frequently. I think we may be approaching potty training already. He says something that sounds like "dyedye" and when I ask "diaper?" he grins and points to it. He's telling me after each time he goes so that I can change him to a fresh diaper. That's the first step, right?

Yes, I realize this is probably the most boring blog *ever* but I'm just trying to make sure his LaoLao, ShuShu and Ayi don't feel like they're missing out on all the fun! :) It's just so amazing to watch how much new there is every day when the whole world is new to discover. Plus when I print this off it will be like a journal of his first days and months and years...and by then who knows what details I'll remember!

Since I didn't pull out the camera today to catch mr. crankypants in action, here's a gratuitous cute photo from Guangzhou, on the way to the red couch. As in, when he was still smiling...

Emergent Reader?

I'm so happy that WeiJ loves books! Right now our favorite is Dr. Seuss' "Mr. Brown Can Moo" which he asks for by making the bzzzzz sound for the bees. But today he started showing more interest in a lift-the-flap book called "Where's Baby's Bellybutton." That means I only had to read Mr. Brown 6 times today. ;)

I brought out WeiJ's taggie blanket the other day and so far it's been mostly used as a head cover for him to walk around while I ask "where's my baby?" and then giddily pull it off for the exlamation of "there he is!" But today he discovered that hey, each of these tags is a different texture. Fun! After a few minutes he decided to test if they each taste different too...the jury's still out on that one.

WeiJ isn't as enamored with the animals as they are with him. The kitty just wants to love all over him and WeiJ thinks she makes a great target for shoes, books, balls, or whatever's within reach. We've definitely been working on adding "soft" "gentle" and "nice" to his vocabulary! Yesterday WeiJ decided the dog might be OK while he's in the crate. So OK that he stuck his hand inside ... thank goodness I have such a sweet big lug of a dog that he licked that hand all up and down and sideways. WeiJ thought that was a fun sensation so now I can't get him to stop! I told him the dog was giving him kisses so now he stands there with both arms inside the crate, making kissing noises. Poor dog, he can't escape and is now probably thinking that being outside wasn't such a bad deal! Tonight the dog must have been upgraded in WeiJ's eyes for some reason. He signed for milk so I poured him a bottle - I thought he'd sit back down and look at his books. Ten seconds later I looked up from cleaning the kitchen and saw WeiJ offering his bottle to the dog, who was happily licking milk off the nipple. A freshly scrubbed bottle, too. I'm not sure it had even been in WeiJ's mouth yet. Gross. I mean, I love my pets and all...but ick. I don't have a photo of that to share unfortunately, but I do have one of WeiJ waiting for the dog to come back inside...with that un-hammy expression again. But never fear, it doesn't last -- usually as soon as he sees the camera flash, he runs over to see how cute he looks on the display! So most of the photos I take will have to be stealth candids, so that will be pretty obvious in my angles and perspectives!

And there we have it, another exciting installment of the Days of WeiJ's Life. :)

My Little Nutball

This little piggy went to market... WeiJ was much more self-entertaining today. He spun in circles in the living room to get himself dizzy, he pushed his cars and school bus across the floor, he danced to the music in his head (and really got the funk with some Maroon 5!), and was a hoot to watch when I put down a folded blanket on the floor for him. Since he kept stopping to lay down (for all of about 5 seconds before he was up and off again) I thought he might crash out for a nap soon. So I brought out the blanket...nope, no nap. Instead he got this big grin on his face when he stepped onto the blanket and then off again - maybe it was the textures under his bare feet? I was saying "soft" and "hard" for the blanket and the tile, over and over as he switched his feet back and forth. Then what did he do? He spied the rug by the door and decided to check out that texture. He spent a good 20 minutes walking these big loops around the room to work in both rugs and the blanket. What a nut!

We also learned "what does doggy do?"... and yeah there's an exaggerated pant that goes with this photo!

Bedtime was a rough one for us tonight. It only took THREE HOURS. I think mr. crankypants has some teething pain and was happy for the anbesol. He did stop his fidgeting for at least 17 minutes (yes I looked at the clock) - I had left the Ergo on the bed from walk #2 and he was trying intently to put it on himself while I pretended to sleep. He got straps over his shoulders like a backpack and kept trying different configurations, even messing with zippers and biting the clips. I was amazed he worked at it that long before getting frustrated! I think I'd have been cursing by that point. :) I'll have to try to catch that one on camera at some point. I could go look into what's a normal timeframe for concentration on a task at that age, or I could just chalk it up to budding genius. :) Who knows, maybe he'll be the one to design an even better carrier someday!

Finally!

WeiJ and I finally got a real night's sleep! He was all smiles when he woke up and immediately signed for "eat." I think we might be back on track - he even went down for his first nap at the usual time. This is happy, happy news for me!
It dawned on me that I'm not sure I ever mentioned what "ShuShu" "Ayi" and "LaoLao" mean. Oops! ShuShu is maternal uncle, Ayi is maternal aunt, and LaoLao is maternal grandmother. Guess that explanation probably would have helped along the way! I'll also be adding links on the sidebar for those who were interested in reading shushu and ayi's blogs. I'm not sure how often they'll update or if they will continue to be related to WeiJ (but really, how could they not when the sun rises and sets with him?) but I'll put them there just in case.

I'm also planning to write new posts to cover what I missed the first time around. There was so much to this trip that my limited attempts didn't do justice to the sights and events of those days. I'll start again from Day 1 in Beijing and go chronologically. Or try to, anyway! Who knows, if you're good you may even get a slideshow or two thrown in for good measure. :)

I miss sleep

Once again, the Ergo saves the day. We've been having trouble getting WeiJ (the name Wei rhymes with J) on to a normal sleep pattern so that means I'm not sleeping either. He just does a series of naps and we're not going to "bed" until around 5. Then there's no telling if he'll be up at 6,8,10,12.... or any or all of those times. He was fighting sleep again tonight so I thought I'd give it a shot...strapped up and headed down the street. He was out cold just after the end of the first block. Magic!

Night time rituals are getting longer and longer too. We're up to 4 books, then we have to love on the 2 beanie dolls he's obsessed with. Last night I asked him to give them a kiss and tell them nightnight so he did the same tonight...but how cute is it that after he kissed one he hugged and rocked it? Awwwww.

New skill unveiled yesterday to great delight: walking backwards. He still can't quite steer but is pretty impressed with himself. He's also starting to zone in on eyes and ears on everything and not just noses.

New skill unveiled today to even greater delight: putting his face in the water during his bath. He used to cry if water dripped on his face so imagine my surprise when he leaned over and put his face in the water, made a BUH sound and then laughed hysterically! He didn't care that it was in his ears or in his eyes and thought it was the greatest trick. So what did sneaky me do? I rinsed the shampoo out by dumping a cup of water on his head each time he leaned down to the water! Water was running everywhere but he still laughed hysterically so I'll ride this phase as long as I can! We'll work on the motorboat noise next.

New "first" today: grilled cheese sandwich. Yummm. He devoured half of the sandwich at dinner and then on the ride back was pointing to the leftovers to eat more. Another growth spurt on the way already?? After dinner we stopped at the pet store and had to wave byebye and blow kisses to each fish tank. I think I might have to time the next trip for naptime. ;)

I am constantly amazed that he is doing this well and it's easy to forget he's only been with me for 2 weeks. Two weeks! If we could get the sleep thing down, the sky's the limit for his progress!

Settling In

What a character this kid is. He did really well today in his first full day at home. We opened up some new toys, went for 2 walks and had a couple of naps. He had his first taste of Mexican food - looks like country sausage and egg might be a winner! I tried to grab a few photos today but I can see that I'm going to have to upgrade my camera to one that has a quicker shutter speed that doesn't give him time to switch back to serious-face every time I try to take a picture!

I call this one "your camera is so much lamer than shushu's...I'm turning off my hammy charm until you're done."

And "mom, didn't they tell you not to buy diapers before you knew my size? You bought a whole case from Costco anyway??" OK really it's the "ball, where are you" pose but that giant box of diapers taunts me. Think I can use a whole case before he goes from 25 to 28 pounds??

So what is Baby J going to be when he grows up? An engineer? He is fascinated by figuring out how things operate. This particular car has a sunroof that flips open and closed...apparently enthralling.



Or maybe a conductor? He does love music but I'm not sure if I can detect any rythm yet. :) Somehow, I wouldn't be surprised if whatever he does he'll have an audience.

Looking at the latest photos compared to 2 weeks ago, it seems like the name Baby J doesn't fit anymore. I think he'll have to graduate to the nickname coined by his uncle: Wei J. (Wei is the surname given by the orphanage.) It hasn't even been 2 full weeks and he's already growing up before my eyes. Seriously, look at this big guy!

So there's the Wei J photo fix for those of you who wanted one. :) Hopefully all of our upcoming photos won't be with this same expression!

Home Sweet Home

There really is no place like home!

Baby J was an amazing trooper on all 3 flights home. He only fussed briefly a couple of times - once before landing in Shanhai (and fell asleep about 15 seconds before we landed) and once while we were waiting too long on a hot plane to take off from SFO. Again, he fell asleep just before the actual takeoff. My little guy slept right through immigration in SFO so it was a bit of an anticlimactic moment when he became a US citizen. He also slept through the swearing in at the Consulate so for all he knows, nothing's changed. ;)

So here we are 31 hours after waking up this morning and it's still Friday. But I'm home. Baby J had a bashful attack at the airport today - I guess that many hours of traveling can make even the hammiest ham feel a little worn out. He went to sleep tonight at his normal time after a bath and reading 2 books. Well 3, if you count reading the Nose Book twice! He's a little hesitant about the cat and doesn't really want much to do with her. The dog is definitely more than he was ready to handle today so we're keeping a good distance there too.

I'm so glad to be going to sleep in my own bed tonight - and boy does this mattress feel super soft after the beds in China! I can barely keep my eyes open to type this so I'll finish the rest of my thoughts tomorrow. Time to go put some ice on these tree stump ankles and hope for the swelling to be down when I wake up. I think every part of me needs lots and lots of good rest this weekend. Whether or not that happens remains to be seen...let's hope he's asleep for real and doesn't just think this is a nap!

Last post from China!

So almost all my RMB are successfully spent, Baby J is happily splashing in the tub and entertaining his LaoLao, and all that's left is to cram way too much stuff into suitcases that seem to have shrunk in the last couple of weeks. Amazing how much we've accumulated! Our hotel rooms have pretty much looked like they've been hit by a tornado since Baby J entered our lives and I will be SO HAPPY not to live out of a suitcase anymore. I think we're all looking forward to our own beds, our own homes and our own food with fruit and salads and ice in our drinks. Don't get me wrong - I LOVED being in China and experiencing all of this, but after two weeks I'm just ready to be home and get this little one settled. Right now he thinks our lives are going to consist of eating, shopping and napping all day every day! Once we get home I will fill in the blanks from posts that I started as drafts but never published. I did a couple of those yesterday but it's still a work in progress.

The bellman will be up for our bags at 5:30am and we're off to the airport. We're all keeping our fingers crossed that the weather doesn't affect our flights. It's going to be a long day no matter what - we fly from here to Shanghai, Shanghai to SFO and then SFO to home. Keep us in your thoughts...a 16 month old who only wants to be outside, confined to a row of laps on an airplane for umpteen hours should be just a barrel of fun!

Day 4 in Guangzhou

Today's tour was one of those you-have-to-see-it-to-believe-it kind of places. Streets lined with shops selling every kind of herb and dried animal parts - or live animals too, actually. Scorpions, sea horses, tiger claws, you name it and I think we saw (and smelled) it. Then we turn a corner and there are shops selling puppies and kittens and chicks and bunnies. I wonder how many people in China have the space to keep a dalmation or a golden? Turn another corner and you're smack in the middle of a huge pedestrian shopping strip with clothes, shoes, shoes and more shoes. I think we've all had our fill of shopping to last us quite a while.

This afternoon our group took the famous red couch photos. Unfortunately it was scheduled right during nap time - which Baby J missed entirely - so he was not his usual cheesy grinning self. Instead, he scooted all the way to the front of the cushion and was bawling for mama to come get him. Oh well. He looked cute anyway... and we'll have pictures up later. I think we got a couple of decent ones of him alone before the crowd of babies and families and paparazzi flashes got him all worked up.

Nothing terribly exciting to share, really. It's a little like groundhog day around here but boy do the days start off nicely with breakfast! We're all going to miss the yummy spread when we're back home eating bowls of cereal with sliced bananas. Today's new skill unveiled by Baby J is his attempt at blowing kisses...which is kinda like putting his hand up to his mouth and licking it. Not quite right, but cute nonetheless. The little genius also knows the word diaper - this afternoon grandma said "let's change your diaper. Can you go bring me a diaper?" and as I saw him heading for the bag of diapers in the corner I was just shaking my head...and sure enough he stuck his hand in and tried to pull one out. Genius. He understands & can communicate eat, byebye, hat, ticklemonster (yes, he invites me to tickle him by mimicking the sound and hand motions I make), ball, nose, mama and nightnight, and he understands sit down, diaper, fish, shushu, baby, bottle and shoe. We've also been working to get him to nod his head instead of always shaking his head no...so now he does an emphatic nod yes - but just once. We call that "hao" which is like yes or ok...but he cracks up when we say hao! when he nods. He is walking more steadily and can control his direction and speed a little better. All of this in just a week and a day! Did I mention he's a genius?

7 pounds in 2 months??

Baby J can be such an easy going kid - unless he has his mind set on something, in which case it looks like we might be in for quite the battle of wills. He can be ADAMANT when he wants something and sometimes you can see the mischief in his eyes just before he does something. He is so good natured about 90% of the time he's awake, but part of that 10% sure can be cranky. He's a quick learner though and I think he'll figure out the boundaries soon. He is also so smart that he already knows what makes each of us laugh and will try to turn on that charm to divert attention as soon as he gets into trouble. I will have my hands full, no doubt!

We had our medical appointment this morning and of course he objected pretty strongly to that one. And rightly so, probably, with all of that poking and prodding. The fact that it was during naptime didn't help matters much either. But yet again I am amazed - my "little" boy who was clinging to the bottom of the growth charts is now *gasp* at 75% for weight and 90% for height!! Even on the American charts he is on the 75% line for the height/weight combo. 25 pounds and 32 inches. Just astounding.

Since the morning was a little stressful, we are taking it easy for a little bit before we head back out again. He is starting to fight sleep more now and pulls out every trick in his bag to engage us in something - ANYTHING - so he doesn't have to sleep. We don't have the luxury of our nightly lull-baby-to-sleep walks around the neighborhood like we did in Tianjin. Here in Guangzhou it has rained at least once every day including a torrential thunderstorm last night as we tried to head to dinner. This little one is unfazed by thunder and lightning - he just wants to GO and doesn't care where or how. I foresee lots and lots of outdoor activities for us in the future!

We're about to head out for a little more touring and shopping. No new pictures yet today (we didn't photo document this morning's traumatic excursion) but maybe more later. Who knows what new skills he'll unveil in the next few hours! :)

A note from Ay-i

Shu Shu and I feel so proud to be involved in Baby J's life. During the past few days our hearts have been blessed by the interactions between him and his Momma. Although she has missed out on food, sleep, and is feeling a bit sick, she gives to Baby J with such love and patience. He is such a brilliant and sweet little guy - and we are not exagerating. When you tell him something or show him motions, he remembers it. It's amazing.

Shu Shu is planning on posting more pictures at his blog:
http://crazyworldofmorgan.blogspot.com/

I've written about my favorite events on
http://www.whatchellethinks.blogspot.com/

Just a Quick Post

Baby J says HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDPA!

We Made it to Guangzhou

Sorry for the shortage of posts but it has been a long and busy couple of days that have been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. It will take me some time to put things in perspective well enough for words but I will when I can do it justice. Even if I don't share all the details, there is no doubt whatsoever that Baby J was loved deeply by his foster parents. That was already pretty clear just by the light in his eyes but now I have a few more pieces of the puzzle for when he's ready to start putting them together.

Baby J is doing wonderfully and was a champ on his first flight this morning - he slept about 2 hours of the 2 1/2 hours from Tianjin to Guangzhou...even without his usual bottle of milk. He is now sitting on the bed with Auntie and Uncle, mesmerized by the video game and cheesing it up for photos. Hmmm maybe part of the reason it's hard to post photos is the camera is flashing away just about every waking hour. :) We are now in Guangzhou and have crossed the halfway point of the trip. Tomorrow is a sightseeing day and then the US portion of the paperwork starts up on Monday. It's nice to be around other adopting families and see all the kids settling in so nicely. And HAHA Auntie and Uncle thought they pulled a fast one when they found out our rooms won't be adjoining here. But guess what? On a floor full of newly adopted toddlers there's noise everywhere anyway! So far it looks like he's still the biggest cheeseball of them all but we'll know more tomorrow as we meet more of the families.

More later...for now, a gratuitous photo below of the pampered prince himself: riding in the lap of luxury with a doting auntie to hold his cheerios. I think all that's missing is someone to fan him!

A Missing Piece Found

Where yesterday I felt dazzled, today I am completely humbled. I have felt a repeated sense of loss for Baby J since we arrived. Seeing the people and the culture he leaves behind has saddened me – how easily could things be different and that would be *him* that a proud grandmother shows off to the tourists with a camera, *him* strolling happily in the park with his grandfather. It saddens me that such a delightful child didn’t have a choice and has lost two mothers already in such a short time. So much to overcome for such a small child who has such tremendous things to offer. I wished I had more to offer him of this place that was his home. And just like everything else on this journey, it fell right into my lap.

When he grows up, I will be able to tell him that I looked in the eyes of his foster mother and felt the depth of the love she held for him and her gratitude that he found his forever home. As he processes his story in his own time and in his own way, I am so glad that at least this piece will not be something he ever has to wonder about. I will leave the details between the two of us because I really feel that’s where it belongs. She was his and will always be a part of him. It’s impossible for me to place a value yet on what it might mean for him to have this information, but for me it’s a treasured piece of his past that I’m grateful he’ll have.

An Embarassment of Riches

I am dazzled by the magnitude of my blessings. These past 4 days have been a blur, a flurry of activity focused solely on the little man asleep beside me in his orange striped dinosaur pj’s. Tonight as I emptied the tub of his toys and started preparing tomorrow’s bag of snacks and distraction ammo, I finally had a moment to reflect.

I would be blessed to be a parent to any child. But here I am on the other side of the world, blessed with this amazing gift, *this* child. I worried that he would have missed out on nurturing attention in his first 15 months. Then Monday I find he has been living with foster parents for a year and he was clearly loved. I worried that he would have lacked proper nutrition and would remain low on the growth charts. But here he is with creases on his wrists, rolls over his knees and chunky thighs. My “small” 15 month old is almost bursting out of his 12-18 month pj’s with those arms and thighs! I worried that he would reject me and shut down emotionally. But instead I walk snuggling a singing, cooing, babbling little guy who (I think) calls me something like mumumum. I have been the recipient of the brightest most amazing smile or even a belly chuckle more times than I can count. And tonight I almost cried to see him toddling down the hall towards me, both arms reaching up with his wide beaming smile of pure delight. Does it get any better?

And then add to all of that that I’m not on this journey alone. Besides being able to share such a huge life event, I have to say having my brave travel mates here has made all the difference in the world. They are game travelers, but besides that they have gone out of their way to take care of things for me since I have my hands full. All I have to worry about is this child. He hasn’t fully warmed to them yet but it’s only a matter of time. I don’t think I’d have ventured out as much if I were traveling alone – in fact I might still be stuck at the airport trying to maneuver all that luggage! J

This whole trip, this whole journey’s sequence of events has been extraordinary. When I think about how the stars and circumstances aligned to bring this boy into my life and me into his…it’s indescribable. I am lucky. I am blessed. I am so, so grateful.

Only Two More Nights in Tiajin!

Just amazing. Each day shows such obvious progress that it's easy to lose track of just how short a time it's been. Baby J slept through the night last night (for the most part) with just one brief episode. His crying is no longer the grieving wail of the first day or the angry frustration of the second day. We still have a few frustrated reactions but they are getting shorter and less frequent. We are figuring each other out and I think a little of it is him testing some limits to figure things out. He is a quick study though and since he's pretty clearly demonstrative it's helping me figure out what he wants. I can't wait for him to be verbal and get past the grunting and pointing though! What I do know for sure is noodles and dumplings make for a happy boy. And a happy mama for that matter, too!

Today we started off at Renmin Park - another peaceful oasis right in the middle of downtown. They had a few animals like a white tiger (sad to see such a big beautiful animal in such a small enclosure, but WOW were we ever up close!) and what pretty much amounted to a petting zoo without being able to enter the pens to pet them. There are grandparents with young children EVERYWHERE! Our guide in Beijing told us that people retire at 55 or 60 and then start pestering for grandkids. It's very sweet to see such doting and loving relationships everywhere we look. Everyone wants to stop and get a close look at Baby J and today it was also the Ergo that was the center of attention. Three women came in for a closeup and were chattering away at me (smiling) before I broke out my one phrase that I keep seem to be using - sorry, I don't speak Chinese well - but through pantomime I could see they were looking at the design of the Ergo and loved how the hood attaches to cover the baby. And my little showboat had to delight the audience with a sweet little "byebye!" and wave when they left. He didn't stay awake long though - the Ergo has some magical lull-baby-to-sleep powers. We took our time strolling through the park and taking in the gardens. I am loving all these peaceful little places right in the middle of all the hustle and bustle of the city...just feet from the insanity of the stress-inducing traffic there are all of these people just sitting and being. Seriously, if someone strolled down the pathway singing out loud back home, people would think he was a little bit loony. But here, it was a pleasant surprise (that Baby J was enthralled with, by the way). It's so pleasant to just sit and watch people reading, playing with the grandchildren or practicing their tai chi in the square - I'm just soaking it all in.

This afternoon we got to visit the orphanage for a tour. I was worried about him having an memory-triggered reaction to the sights or sounds or smells that might remind him of his traumatic day earlier this week. But he was asleep when we arrived so we were able to go in without a problem. He was cranky for a minute after he woke up but settled down pretty quickly. After a short visit with the orphanage director, they gave each family a gift bag for the children. I haven't had a chance to look through it yet but I know there was a red flag with the orphanage name on it ... because "someone" grabbed it and was trying to wear it on his head. Silly boy, always trying to entertain the audience! The first little side room we passed was a mini-workout room with child-sized treadmills. So cute! The first couple of classrooms were kindergarten aged and the next rooms were slightly older. They were so bright eyed and smiley...the chorus of "Hello!" when we walked in was too adorable! They gave the OK to hand out the candy we'd brought so Uncle and Auntie got to go around and pass out some Starbursts to each kiddo. Oh, the smiles! It was beautiful to see the spirit they all had. One child pulled out chairs and gestured for us to sit with them...one child was intent on showing Uncle M their puppet show setup...they were all just such bright spirits and we were torn between being happy for the level of care they are receiving and longing for them all to find loving families. It was so nice to see their interactions with their teachers and how engaged they all were in the activities they were working on. I got choked up (for the eight thousandth time on this trip, I'm sure) when I thought of the children I've sponsored through Half the Sky...here I was standing in a classroom seeing the products of their efforts. They were and organization close to my heart before, but now it's something even more.

Well I haven't had a chance to upload the pictures from today yet - thought I'd take advantage of naptime to write what I could. I'll try to get to that later this evening. He'll be waking up soon and probably starving. All I have to do is start putting on the Ergo and he'll start singing his "byebye" song. It's just a little bit cute. :)

A Milestone a Minute

It's hard to believe it's only been a couple of days. We're running out of cheerios in the snack trap so this is probably going to be a fairly short post. Just a few bullet points to catch everyone up to speed....

Finally, he ate real food! He's been refusing the congee and rice cereal but yesterday afternoon he grabbed a banana with both hands and ate about half. And then last night at dinner, he let me give him pieces of chicked and noodles with chopsticks and chowed down. This morning he grabbed the steamed bun off my plate with both hands and dug right in. I think he'll fit in to this family jusssst fine. :)

Does it mean it's official that you're a mama when you get ready to take a shower and cheerios and fruit puffs fall out of your shirt?

He loves clothes, especially his pj's. I put down a couple options on the bed for him to choose from and he'll gravitate towards one and start trying to put it on.

He's a huge fan of cheerios and banana fruit puffs...usually he's holding the snack trap in one hand wherever we are.

Last night after dinner we stopped at Haagen Dazs. Auntie offered him a taster spoon of her strawberry cheesecake ice cream...and after it hit his tongue I don't think I've ever seen a bigger smile! Each time he got a new little spoonful, the same: put the spoon in his mouth, and his face lit up. Even after all the ice cream was finished, he kept motioning to her like he was putting a spoon in his mouth. Uncle's unbiased opinion is we have a genius on our hands. :)

He clearly says "byebye" now and that's our sign that he wants to leave. He walked over to the bed and patted the Ergo, looked at me and said "byebye." Like I said, genius. In two languages. Speaking of languages, apparently a van full of white people learning to say "good morning" in Chinese is just hysterical! He mimics so well that I noticed he already says "Hi!" with the same rising and falling intonation as his Auntie.

He LOVES walking outside. He is more and more comfortable in that Ergo and now leans back to see the world upside down. He leans back to watch the trees overhead and chatters away. He talks and sings the entire way and seems to want to keep an eye on where everyone is. He likes to be spun around with his head tilted back and just giggles away.

Apparently the only thing better than admiring himself in the mirror is admiring himself on the digital camera display. He's chatting up a storm and pointing out everybody. He sees the photo with the hat...and patted his head. He sees the photo of him eating...and started motioning a spoon to his mouth. Yep...Baby J, Boy Genius.

Today was the first time he let me feed him his bottle. He usually takes it from me and does it himself, but in the car today he let me hold it and just stared at me while he drank it down. No issues so far with eye contact or bonding...even with him snagging my shades. :)

OK cheerios are finally gone, so that's my cue..... time to go byebye and find some dinner!

A New Day

Today was a new day - and what a difference a day makes!

A rough beginning (10am-ish on Monday 9/1):

3:00 in the afternoon of 9/1: maybe these people are ok after all, especially that silly guy with a buzzed head like mine...

Just 24 hours ago my little guy was wailing for his foster mama and grieving pretty hard. He woke from his long afternoon nap and after the initial "crap I'm still here and it's still you" reaction he settled down and would only cry intermittently. I am so happy I sent that photo album in the care package - yesterday he grabbed it immediately and you can see his little brain putting the pieces together. He points to someone in the book and then I point to the person in real life and you could see it click. He loves flipping through it and tries to make the pages flip like I do with my little translation book. His foster family also inserted a photo of him riding a plastic toy - that seems to be one of his favorites but I think it also reminds him of them because the tears start up again. For now I've traded out that book with another photo book with similar pictures...we'll bring the other one back out in a couple more days. Anyway, after naptime Auntie and Uncle came in the room to play a bit. Uncle putting stacking cups on his ears and head was just so silly...and my little mimic took a couple of minutes before trying it himself. When we all burst into laughter, he broke into a HUGE grin and pretty much hasn't turned back since. He's a ham and a cheeseball all in one. My little cheeser. :) Every mirror we pass, his face lights up in the smile I've been looking at in photos for the last few months.

The Ergo carrier has easily paid for itself already. Last night I decided to take him around the block for a walk thinking the noise of the traffic might lull him to sleep. Pure magic. He was cooing and talking and maybe singing a little too...for all of half a block before he was out like a light. I'm not sure how long we stayed out but while he slept the 3 of us got to take in some of the sights and sounds of the area. Two different grandparents came up and said something to us in Chinese, mostly directed at Baby J. They were all smiles and so friendly to us. The second man kept speaking to me in Chinese so I finally was able to dig out a phrase right when I needed it to let him know that I didn't speak the language very well. This was met with a smile and a thumbs up, a few more words for Baby J and we were on our way. (Random thought: I really I wish I'd brought my pedometer to have an idea of how much walking we've done since we've been in China, especially in Beijing.) At the end of that walk he woke up and was restless so I pulled him out of the carrier and let him hold my hand to walk. He is unsteady and can't control direction or speed, but he was off! And he had the funk too - we realized his foot shuffling was his version of dancing to the music of the group doing tai chi on the corner. It seems that this kid is a do-er and we won't be sitting still much! Anyway, I carried him in the Ergo most of the evening. He seemed to feel pretty cozy in it and I didn't have trouble with his weight. Today though, I went without the carrier to our second appointment and my left arm isn't too happy. Fitting, since HE wasn't too happy at any of the appointments! We ran into a couple other American families at both places, and of course my guy is the only one pitching a fit. At the notary office they even had to come close the door! The only moment of silence: posing for our registration picture! Go figure, little ham has been photographed so much in the last day that he stood up and posed.

All is well here. I feel like he's bonding pretty well and last night I'm not sure if it was intentional or accidental but he said "mama" when he put his arms up for me after his bath (not a real bath yet, just a wipe down with the J&J washcloth...didn't want to traumatize him any more for one day). He slept very well last night, going down at about 9 and only woke up once at 1:30. He was quite a sight in his little footie pj's, holding a bottle and knocking on the front door to tell me he wanted to go out. Not crying though, thankfully. We sat down for a little plate of cheerios and fruit puffs (which earned another big grin) for maybe a half hour. I laid him down to change his diaper and as soon as he was all snapped back up he rolled over on his side and was out cold. I just tried the same thing this afternoon - gave him a few cheerios, sat him on the bed...maybe 10 minutes later he started sinking lower and lower before finally just giving in and rolling onto his side. Please oh please let this be how it always goes!!

So today we had the appointment at the Civil Affairs office and the notary. I think maybe being inside buildings like that remind him of yesterday's trauma because he was pretty inconsolable. Our next stop was the notary's office which was more of the same. Basically these are all the paperwork formalities and paying the province fees. We'll go get his passport this afternoon. Hopefully after a good nap he'll be back to his smiley self.

We have photos galore, just no time to sit and choose the best. So I'll close with one more short story to go with the photo below....

Last night Baby J and I had a bonding moment. He likes standing in the bathroom to look in the big mirror. That's the first time I saw him making eye contact with me, so I started mimicking his expressions. He stuck his tongue out so I did too...endless entertainment, let me tell you! So we migrated to the hallway mirror (where the paparazzi caught us). Well, this morning I was watching him sleep while I was debating what time to wake him up. Can you believe I saw him stick out his little tongue and then coo and grin in his sleep? How cute is that?? :)

Well I think naptime is probably about over so I should start getting his things ready for the rest of our day. Thanks everyone for the supportive emails and comments! :)

My Angel is Here

Again, not enough words.

And again, a blur.

I was preparing myself for a difficult transition, but of course hoping the smiley baby from the photos would be the one that came through the door. Wait, let me back up a few minutes.

I woke up bright and early this morning – 5 something, then 5 something else, then 6:19…I guess I was ready for the day to start! I didn’t eat much for breakfast this morning because the butterflies had set in. Another buffet – not as good as the Beijing Holiday Inn but ok. At least we didn’t have to order from a menu with crazy translations! I made a few last minute photocopies and then we were ready to meet our guide at 9:30.

It was a short drive, maybe 10 or 15 minutes to the orphanage. We turned down what looked like a back alley with lots of activity – people selling a variety of fruits, a woman serving up some kind of soup. Andrew Zimmern would have stopped, but I think we’ll be sticking to food NOT prepared outside. As we neared the end of the alley/street the driver slowed and I had another moment of sadness thinking about Baby J’s birthmother and wondering what kind of conditions she comes from and what kind of existence she lives. We passed the guard gate into a very pretty tree lined courtyard and pulled up to the doors – this was it.

Walking up to the doors of the orphanage, I saw a little girl on the inside of the doors that was maybe 4ish and so cute. She watched us coming in and offered a small smile before she left. I wondered if my little guy would be in the room waiting for me – would I turn a corner and finally see him? We were taken to a small room – some sort of office I think – and I signed a few copies of 2 documents: my desire to adopt Baby J and the 24-hour custody agreement. We’re now about 3 hours into the Harmonious bonding period and will sign more papers tomorrow to continue the process.

A woman (nanny, maybe?) came in with some bags and that’s when I found out my little guy has been in foster care for the past year rather than living in the orphanage. I wish I had known that so I could bring a special thank you gift for them. Inside the 3 bags were all his worldly belongings – some toys, some of the milk he is used to drinking, and quite a few outfits. Everything tells me he’s been well loved and watched over. My guide handed me a couple of papers in Chinese…and when he said it was from the foster parents I started to cry. I’m so grateful to have these things for him when he gets older – these things are all he’ll have of China and the life he had before we came together.

As soon as I heard “foster family” my thoughts switched to preparing myself for him to be grieving the loss of that family. And then we heard the crying baby. It broke my heart. I don’t know how long ago he was dropped off before we got there, but my little guy was having a tough time. He didn’t reject me though, so that was at least a relief right off the bat. He was a little stiff at first but then was holding on and letting me rub his back. But how bad did I feel carrying him down the stairs with him calling out for Mama with big tears rolling down his cheeks?

I know it’s all part of the transition but it pains me that he has to go through so much loss. He cried for the ride home and was only distracted by toys for a few minutes at a time. (Note to Aunt T and Uncle B...we were two-fisting an Elmo firetruck and a squirty frog for most of the ride!) We came straight to the room and tried for a few minutes to distract or entertain him. Even the magic Cheerios weren’t doing the trick! Fortunately my mom, brother and SIL understood what was going on and offered to step out of the room for a while – four of us might have been just overwhelming. I definitely saw some good signs – I put him down on the bed a couple of times and he immediately reached back up with both arms for me. And when we looked in the mirror, I was able to get some eye contact for a few seconds at a time. When I shifted his weight to my hip, he latched on with his little legs so I think that’s how he’s used to being carried. I think at this point he’d been crying hard for at least an hour so I tried making a bottle for him. Lucky me, he drinks a kind of milk that comes in little containers so all I had to do was pour it in his bottle. He quieted down as I was doing that and took the bottle from me when I offered it but still broke down into tears every couple of minutes.

And then…and then I saw the ipod on the table. My brother had been going through my bags to pull out all the toys and books and had set the ipod on the table. I remembered the playlist of all those songs I listened to during the wait when I thought of Baby J and remembered some of the lullabyes (lullabies?). I sat in the chair by the window and leaned him back against me and started to sing (ok I sang softly, I didn’t want to traumatize him more!) and hum the parts I couldn’t remember. I just got to the second verse of “My Angel is Here” and saw his little fingers loosening on the bottle…maybe 30 seconds later his head was heavy and falling on my chest.
Ahhh, peaceful sleep. I let him nap on me for an hour and a half because I wanted him to feel safe and secure (and yeah it wasn’t an awful feeling for me either!) but he’s now on the bed next to me still sound asleep. Everyone else went to WalMart without us to shop for diapers and snacks. I thought it was a better idea for us to stay here instead of putting him through another potentially traumatic car ride. Tomorrow will be a better day for being out and about. For now I think the quiet will be good. His personality will start to come out in the next couple of days - this part is hard but it means that he formed strong bonds in his first year, which means he'll be able to again. In the long term it's so much better for him developmentally than if he was shut down and didn't know what it meant to be cared for or looked after. It will take some time but since he allowed himself to nap so comfortably with me I think we're off to a good start.

I can’t believe he’s right here.
I can't believe he's napping so soundly.
I can’t believe he’s so big! He even has little creases on his wrists and legs. Little guy’s been well fed and I'm so thankful.

After all these months of waiting, to have this sweet boy laying next to me…there just aren’t enough words.