Some Rambling Thoughts on CNY

The two Chinese New Year's celebrations I attended during the adoption wait were very emotional events for me. It was all I could do not to sob out loud at times when I watched the girls dancing - they were flesh and blood in front of me that represented all of the possibilities that lay ahead. They were all of my hopes and dreams that had yet to come true - not just dreams of the the child yet to be, but such strong hope that she might fully embrace her heritage as these girls do. Obviously she became a he, but the hopes remained the same.

This year, it wasn't the cute little girls that tugged so hard at my heart as they had before. It's fun to recognize some of the faces and realize how much they've grown, and they're just as precious as ever. I used to be moved by the awestruck eyes of the little girls watching the older girls dancing and dreaming of oh if only someday I could dance like that too ...but this year it was the mesmerized eyes of my own son studying the 8 year old boy's kung fu performance and wondering if he was imagining oh if only someday I could move like that too. It was the dancing legs, waving arms, clapping hands, and swaying of his constantly growing little body - it was seeing how this music and dance struck a chord inside him. Today I had to blink back tears again during the lion dance as I wondered if that might be him in there someday.

From the beginning I've intended on holding on to as much of his heritage as I can - I feel like I owe that to him. I know he's only a toddler and he may struggle with where he wants to find his identity later on, but for now we both get to watch the dancers and dream of what someday holds.

For WeiJ, it's boundless.